Talk to someone about themselves and they’ll listen for hours. . . . .

Writes Dale Carnegie in How to Win Friend and Influence People. 

A very wise coach gave me this practice to work on in 2020:

Any time I feel the urge to advise or solve, ask someone to teach me something instead.

I suspect this was aimed at "mansplainers",
but I admit to doing this too.....How often are
YOUR questions aimed at validating
your own brilliant assumptions about
something or someone?

The first thing I noticed was that I typically ask inquiry questions that are closed (yes/no answer) and I then immediately follow this question by an educated guess of my own, here's an example:

"Did you enjoy your road trip to Utah over new years?  I imagine it must have been very cold, but a nice chance to get away and spend time with your family?"  -Why not just stop after the first question and let the person tell you how their trip was?

What kind of question is that anyways?  Am I trying to guess?  Am I attempting to read the person's mind?  Is this about controlling the conversation or making it more efficient somehow by pre-answering for them?

I haven't been able to make this shift on a regular basis, but I'm building awareness of this habit that I want to change.

I recall a favorite expression about habits, "practice doesn't make perfect, but it does make new habits.

What are you working on in 2020 to improve communication and listening?

Listening to yourself. Advice from author and coach, Jerry Colonna

I recently finished Jerry's book, Reboot:  Leadership and the Art of Growing Up  (link will take you to my personal Goodreads page, feel free to connect with me on Goodreads and share books that are inspiring for you!)

If you are considering making new year's resolutions, consider a journey into deep self-discovery.  Jerry's book (very business-language and full of his own self-promotion) but really solid advice including questions you can ask yourself at the end of each chapter.  He calls this radical self-inquiry in this short article.

Here are reflection questions to build greater self-awareness in 2020:

Discover What Drives You - If you’re ready to begin practicing radical self-inquiry, then asking yourself this question is the perfect place to start:

• Why are you doing what you’re doing?

And  a few examples of some more specifics that are also great questions to share with a business or life partner:

• How did my relationship to money get formed?
• In what ways have I depleted myself, run myself into the ground? Why have I allowed myself to be so exhausted?
• Who is the person I've been all my life? What can that person teach me about becoming the leader I want to be?
• What was the story my family told about being real, being vulnerable, being true?

  

  Beautiful reflection and meditation spot at the Coyote Hills Regional Park in Newark,  CA